I think the issue (for me at least) is a hardware flaw. Upon completing the steps to reboot the phone (take case apart, disconnect battery, connect power, wait for battery charge indication, reconnect battery) I can get the phone to boot and function just fine.
I have discovered that upon screwing the battery connection back into the phone, it applies a bit too much pressure on the connection which sends the phone back into the redlite "no boot" mode.
TL;DR, If the battery is connected to the phone too "tightly" with the screws, the issue is caused.
Hardware flaw? I think so.
My Fix? Took out the connecting screws, the connection seems to hold without them and there is no more pressure on the connection without the added thickness of the screws (when putting the back of the case on)
EDIT: Here's a video of what I'm talking about, for those of you who haven't had to deal with this (yet?)
Video of Issue
Hey Google/LG, if you're reading this, Send me a new phone, please!! This is unacceptable!