On the topic of bacon bits, the stuff from Sam's Club isn't bad. Hormel Real Crumbled Bacon. Great for a quick bacon fix (just a pinch between the cheek and gum). The funny thing is that the package used to say "with Picnic bacon", to which my response was "dafuq is Picnic bacon?". They have since removed that statement.
Making bacon bits, is a pain. We all know it. And buying the simulated bacon bits from the store, is an insult to bacon eaters worldwide.
But how else are we to garnish our salad?
1. .25lb of cooked bacon. Crisp is preferred
2. 1 12 guage shotgun
3. 1 ungarnished salad
4. 1 12 guage high power shotgun shell with shot removed (important step)
After removing shot from the shotgun shell (important), load shotgun. With a long pole, stuff the .25lb of crispy bacon down the muzzle. Be careful not to pack it too tight.
Point shotgun at salad from distance of 3 meters. (important note: Please ensure all personnel are clear of the salad bowl)
Remove safety, pull trigger.
Voila! Salad is garnished!
Pro Tip: Although tempted, do not do the direct ingestion method by inserting muzzle in mouth. Tests have shown that the velocity of the bacon, bypasses the taste buds in the mouth, bypasses the stomach and intestinal tract, and makes a direct exit from the body. Thus ruining a good pair of trousers, and not getting the benefit of taste.
Next Recipe: In some cases, bacon bits are re-usable.
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Originally Posted by Phalanx7621
Nice job bro! Not only have you insulted the dev of the rom thread you're posting in , but you also took offense to an internet forum post which has no bearing on your life! This is the internet bro. You've got to have a thick skin.
Several Documented cases have shown the important parts bacon has played throughout history. In some cases, bacon had changed the outcome of major events.
Below are entries taken from personal diaries of well known figures during WW II;
Gen. Irwin Rommel. 7th Panzer Division North Afrika Corps. "The Desert Fox"
Oct 12, 1942: "Supplies are almost out. The Allies have cut off many supply routes, and the Motherland has basically forgotten about us. Many tanks have their tracks seized, due to the lack of proper grease to keep them lubricated and the sand from entering the gears. All we receive from Germany is this silly bacon! At least 2,000kg weekly! Have they no idea what situation we are in?"
Oct 14, 1942: "Pvt. Gunther has a brilliant idea! We use the grease from the bacon fat, semi-cooked, to pack in around the tank track gears. Our lubrication problems are solved. We are mobile once again. No more hiding from the Allies!"
General George Patton. Commander II Corps. North Africa Campaign;
Oct 31, 1942: "After chasing the Desert Fox for several weeks with little or no success, I wonder if the Fox is too difficult to catch. Recently, the troops have smelled this wonderful odor filling almost the entire North African Continent! It's extremely similar to a well smoked slab of honey cured bacon! I can only guess this is proving a distraction to most of II Corp as they seem pre-occupied with this smell, and I have ordered an investigation into the source."
Nov 3, 1942: "Success! The source of the smell, has led to the discovery of several major Panzer Divisions! It seems they use some sort of heated bacon fat to lubricate their tanks! The Desert Fox is not such a fox after all! Victories have been plenty, although I don't relish the scene of my troops licking German Tank Treads... So un-military like (but I get in a few licks myself when nobody is looking)"
Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery 8th Army North Africa Campaign
Oct. 18, 1942: "WTF is that audacious smell mate? It's upsetting my spot of tea!"
Author's Note. The whereabouts of Pvt. Gunther were unknown after Rommel's forces retreated from North Africa. Recently it has been as an episode on the television series "Unsolved Mysteries".
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follow this recipe to get high off your own supply
1. Create a cure. Mix together 1 pound (450 grams) kosher salt, 8 ounces (235 grams) sugar and 2 ounces (50 grams) curing salt, also called pink salt. To make this a little sweeter, add 1/2 cup (125 grams) packed dark brown sugar. (Curing salt has sodium nitrite added: It's 93.75 percent salt and 6.25 percent sodium nitrite. The pink color is an additive to prevent its confusion with regular salt. Look for it at Williams Sonoma stores or online at williams-sonoma. com.)
2. Trim the belly. Ask your butcher for a half pork belly (you may have to order it), 3 to 5 pounds. Trim off the odd angles. What you are looking for is a rectangular shape that will make good bacon slices when finished.
3. Apply the cure. Rub the cure into the belly, making sure there is a uniform coating.
4. Cover and refrigerate. Place the belly in a 2-gallon resealable bag or a container just large enough to hold it. Flip it every other day. As it cures, the pork will release a lot of liquid, so be careful as you turn it over. After a week, check the belly for firmness at its thickest point. A thicker belly may require a little more time.
5. Smoke or roast. If you have a smoker, set it up for 200 to 225 degrees and use a mild wood such as pecan or apple to flavor the meat. If you don't have a smoker, roast the belly in a 200-degree oven on a rack in a roasting pan. For either method, remove the belly when its internal temperature reaches 150 degrees.
While the belly is hot, remove the rind. Let the belly cool to room temperature. Now you can cut into slices or wrap and refrigerate. It will keep for one to two weeks.
For longer storage, cut into slices, chunks or lardons, wrap well and place in freezer for up to three months. If you find the bacon too salty, blanch slices in boiling water for one minute before cooking.
Adapted from "Charcuterie" by Michael Ruhlman and Brian Polcyn.
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18 Sep 2014
By Tomek Kondrat
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