Default Calendar storage crashing, no solutions have fixed it.

My Google Calendar on my phone has been randomly crashing pretty much since I got my Note 2 last January. I've been searching for answers, most of which seem to suggest either A: the coders for Android are idiots who can't manage to make things work on their end, or B: Samsung's coders are the idiots. I've tried factory resetting, installing both Google and S Planner, uninstalling S Planner, uninstalling Google, wiping the database, completely deleting my calender and starting fresh, separating events into their own calendars, setting the timezones for all events instead of letting it happen automatically, force stopping the update, clearing the cache, clearing the data....nothing, NOTHING has fixed it.

Then I saw a suggestion that UCCW was crashing them: I uninstalled it, and thought I was in the clear. Nope: it crashed today. From my logcat, I can see:

E:/CursorWindow(10169): Could not allocate CursorWindow '/data/user/0/com.android.providers.calendar/databases/calendar.db' of size 2097152 due to error -12.
E:JavaBinder(10169): at com.android.providers.calendar.CalendarCache.readD ataLocked(CalendarCache.Java:228)
E:JavaBinder(10169): at com.android.providers.calendar.CalendarCache.readD ata(CalendarCache.Java:202)
E:JavaBinder(10169): at com.android.providers.calendar.CalendarCache.readT imeZoneInstances(CalendarCache.Java:114)
E:JavaBinder(10169): at com.android.providers.calendar.CalendarProvider2.q uery(CalendarProvider2.Java:986)


D/ALK (14643): ALK *** Utils.readCalendar(): caught exception: java.NullPointerException

I'm currently on Beans 22. Has anyone else seen anything like this, or has a suggestion?