Onto tried solutions:
CM 10.1 doesn't have a menu to update profile or prl, and the methods in the forums and on the web for manually updating PRL are way above my head. Special dialer codes like ##3282# don't work at all. Got off the phone with Sprint Customer Care this morning, and even though the lady was nice, she pretty much told me I'm SOL. If ANYONE has a solution, or at least a temporary fix for making calls, please, for the love of God reply. I'm really freaking new to this and lost all my backups somewhere along the way, so restoring it to pre-flash isn't an option.
EDIT: Finally figured out how and successfully flashed the factory FXZ for 4.1.2. Problem Solved.