OK. If anyone else happens to run across this thread, here are the things I attempted:
cf auto root chainfire - didn't work. It actually seemed like it was trying to copy, but would stop about halfway and never finish.
Tried the following ROM's. None of them would get past the NAND Write Start:
Tried multiple PC's, cables, ports, you name it.
Currently the phone won't even power on anymore. Not sure if the battery is just dead (tried another old battery, same result) or if the phone is just outright dead.
If this happens to you and you can figure out how to recover, you're a better man than I. Near as I can tell it's pretty much a total loss when this happens.