Things I tried (which failed):
-Leaving battery out 24 hours
-Plugging in computer (and different ports) with and without the attempt below
-Holding Power Button and Volume Keys
-Chucking it at the wall
-Trying to see if ODIN recognizes
And so many other things.
What I haven't tried
-Any other possible methods the XDA community recommends in this particular situation.
So yay! I have an unresponsive brick that the computer doesn't recognize. I'm particularly poor, so JTAG seems out of question. No warranty, as this is a hand-me down phone. Unbrickable mod seems to be a solution for me, however I'm a bit iffy on the hardware modification. I can't solder/don't have a solder, but I'm pretty sure I might be able to get a friend to help me with that. However all the videos and tuts online don't cover S2, at least to my knowledge.
tl;dr Hard bricked phone. Can't fix with JTAG. Need Help With Unbrickable Mod.