Device Status: Custom
Then, I remembered the S-Health bug. Since i like S-Health, I had switched it over recently from being a System app to being a User one (because S-Health on a rooted device was, well, broken). So I re-rooted with SuperSU, then re-opened Android Tuner Free and moved S-Health back from being a User app to being a System one again.
Device Status: Official
I didn't even have to unroot, remove the SU app, or reboot it; I just checked back in Settings and it was "fixed."