So i went today and got a new SIM. Its been about 9 hours, but no problems yet. Time will tell if it works, but im willing to bet that was the problem, and this is why.
When i went to get my sim, the guy there told me that when ATT started rolling out 4g phones (which includes 3.5g) many employees had trouble with their data switching on and off until they switched their sim cards.
Then i started thinking to myself - I've had the problem about as long as I had my SGS2, and only had the problem with AOSP roms on my captivate - then i made the connection.
When i used a stock, or stock based rom on my captivate, i had no problems. The second i used an international ROM, or an AOSP rom is when i would have the issues. What is the difference between the roms.............
The ATT rom doesnt have hspa+ enabled, so using my old "3g" sim card i was fine. No 3.5g to connect to to cause problems. CM and international Roms would use that new 3.5g network and would then screw up.
That is my theory anyway, and if it turns out true it would have solved one of my biggest annoyances with android. (or at least my android experience)
fingers crossed