So I've figured out how to get things to display in Gear notification settings. However I think there must still be something missing as notifications still aren't being sent to watch (or atleast not when sending to myself with a quick close of app and turn off of screen)
There are xml files in /data/data/com.samsung.android.app.watchmanager/files
I have a attached png and xml files that will show snapchat in the list. (png is just a copy of another png already in there)
There is also an xml in /data/data/com.samsung.accessory.sanotiprovider/shared_prefs/Notification_Settings.xml but it looks like it updates dynamically
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