Ok, after i went home last night I noticed things got better. Today while im at work everything seems ok. takes about 10 sec or so to sync to my Dinc and Xoom.
What we did to fix things:
1. logged into the mobile admin site for our active sync, I have been sync'ing virtual android systems and I had 9 different devices sync'ing everytime an email went out. so we deleted all my unused devices. ( there was 2 copies of my phone from flashing)
2. In the mobile admin site your exchange account is seen by an Alias. whith all the T/S steps I had been trying my alias in exchange got deleted. This does not prevent Active Sync from getting email to me but it does make it look a bit longer to find the right mailbox.
3. I noticed that I had many services trying to sync the same info this is bad. Touchdown was still running even after i tried to remove my account. Uninstalled it. Gmail is trying to sync books/calendar/contacts so i uncecked all ( I use exchange for everything)
4. Under running services I saw that attachment downloader was running in overdrive all the time. So in the account settings of the exchange account I unchecked " auto download attachments when on wifi." We email pdf's all the time they can get big and I saw that I would not get am email untill the entire pdf was downloaded. Also We use HTML email sigs, each sig is 3 attachments. After I made this change the attachment downloader service seemed to let up alot. if it didnt help me email issue it at least freed up some ram
Im not saying that anyone of these steps was the end solution to my problem but they all seemed to make things run a bit better.
Hardware: HTC Incredible
ROM: Evervolv Gingerbread 2.3.4
Tab: Xoom 3.1
Rom: Tiamat 1.0