Well, I was able to get something figured out over my lunch hour. I have an MHL->HDMI converter which I hooked up to my TV. That allowed me to verify that the phone was working and the digitizer was responding. I found out a while back that a small ziplock bag works wonderfully if there's a chance of rain since it's watertight and still allows the screen to respond to touches. I used one to protect my finger from all the glass edges. I then hooked the USB cord to a computer, blindly swiped the notification bar down and poked in the area where I remember the USB debugging line to be. Luckily enough, I managed to gain access. Not the easiest way of doing things, but it worked.
Now I just have to decide whether to fix the phone or burn an upgrade on another line to keep my unlimited data. Verizon's launch of the "The New One" might play into that decision...