Need Advising/Suggestions/Help

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So...i just got a HTC P4000 a week and some ago, and ive been trying to find ways to make it as fast as possible.

HTC P4000
->Telus
Running WM6


what im looking for is a clean ROM, that only has the basics, or instructions on how i can remove apps that came integrated with mine office mobile and some other stuff.

im COMPLETELY new to smartphones, so any help or links (that i can understand) would be very helpful.

ive asked for help on a couple other forums but didnt get much feedback and kinda gave up, but then found DCD's Rom.

ive been trying to readup on some of this stuff but im pretty lost.

i know what the rom is, but im confused about a bunch of other stuff.

whats the difference between the ROM, and the Radio? what else do i need to know?

whats a cooked rom? whats a kitchen?

what programs to use to flash it? etc...
things id like...

-a way to use the camera flash when the picture is take, instead of always on (cant find the setting for it if there is one)

-large keys (i have a patch for the dialer)

-my memory constantly decreases without apps running, is there a way to disable the caching it does to keep my memory free?

-whats the best way to increase my main memory? ; i have a 8gb micro sdhc card, so any apps i use are installed there.



things i would like to remove, if i can (to free up space/resources)

-help
-search
-voice dial
-mobile office
-WModem (unless i need it for my web/email)
-Adobe Reader


edit:

what is the best today screen app launcher? something that can use decent looking icons.
im using claunch, and no matter what size they are they look bad, and it cant use *.ico or *.png =\

bump?

id like to update to the new rom but dont know how to go about it.