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Post a Joke Folks .......

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By PURESKILLZZZ, Senior Member on 13th April 2008, 09:34 AM
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13th April 2008, 10:01 AM |#11  
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A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you".
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, to".
 
 
13th April 2008, 10:02 AM |#12  
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A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vaseline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!", the guy said. The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?" The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
13th April 2008, 10:03 AM |#13  
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A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
13th April 2008, 10:05 AM |#14  
Ok those were nice .. Here is another one for you .......



A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to
spend the night with him for $500. And she did.
Before he left in the morning, he told her that he
did not have any cash with him, but that he would
have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
done, realizing that the whole event was not worth
the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for
$250 and enclosed a note:

Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250 for rent
of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed
upon because when I rented the apartment I was under
the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home

Last night, however, I found out that it had been
previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat,
and that it was entirely too large.


Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned
the cheque for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how
to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is
indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill
it, please don't blame the landlord
13th April 2008, 10:07 AM |#15  
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John went to his local Doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise me, and I mean it - not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.
"Ok then," John said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'tool' the doctor had seen in all his years.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it absolutely will not happen again. Ever. Now what seems to be the problem?"
John "It's swollen!"
13th April 2008, 10:10 AM |#16  
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to
do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a
guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be
parked around the corner."

She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How
much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is
thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks,
"What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a
hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants,
and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and
then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and
asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
13th April 2008, 10:12 AM |#17  
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John and Jain were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 10th wedding anniversary Jain said "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"As you wish," said John.
"Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jain.
"Ok," said John.
"And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jain.
"That's right," said John, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"
13th April 2008, 10:13 AM |#18  
A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive
course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third
tee, the wife sliced her shot right through the large
front window of the biggest house along the course.
They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice
say, "Come on in."

When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere
and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the
couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him
off, "Actually, I want to thank you, I'm a genie who
was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot
released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes, so
what I'd like to do is give each of you one wish,
and I'll keep last one for myself."

"Fantastic!" said the husband. "I want a million
dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem,"
said the genie, "it's the least I can do."

"I want a house in every country in the world," said
the wife. "Consider it done," said the genie, "and
now for my wish. Because I've been trapped in that
bottle, I haven't had sex in a really long time. My
wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked over at his wife and said, "Well,
we did get a lot of money and all those houses...If
you don't mind honey, I don't either." The wife
agreed.

The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3
hours. After he was through, the genie looked at the
wife and asked, "How old is you husband, anyway?"

"Twenty-five," said the wife.

"And he still believes in genies?"
13th April 2008, 10:16 AM |#19  
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Wife: Suggest a password for our computer.
Husband: PENIS.
Wife types 'PENIS' and falls off chair laughing because the computer says: REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
13th April 2008, 10:16 AM |#20  
Gay Man Meets Saint Peter

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate,
Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving
his records Saint Pete decided to let him in.
"Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking
in.

After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell
on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the
keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't
resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint
Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go
straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."

After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again,
and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was
even more furious than before, but decided to give the
gay guy one last chance.

Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his
keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy,
having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed
up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.

A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for
his routine inspection, but this time something is
wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one
corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of
blankets freezing his ass of.

"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.

"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!"
The devil replied.
13th April 2008, 02:23 PM |#21  
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One day the teacher decides to play an animal game.

She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies.

Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?". Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
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