[How to] Steps to shake the noob status

11,376 posts
Thanks Meter: 11,219
By TonyStark, Retired Moderator - R.I.P. on 27th January 2013, 07:02 PM
Post Reply Email Thread
So you are tired of being called a noob

Why do people keep calling me a noob?

New User Guide

Take a second and read this.

== As quoted from Urban Dictionary ==


I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'

I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behavior of noobs
IV. Noob religion
V. More about noob habitats

I. Make sure you aren't one
II. Major noob avoiding strategies



I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.

II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.

Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.


I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as "n00bish." It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.

stFU /../, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b

Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

II. Where to find n00bs
On the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. THE BANNER HAMMER is one form of authority.

Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.

Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.

III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).

It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.

Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

IV. Noob Religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.

V. More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.

They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88X31 affiliate buttons replaced with red X's scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its homepage. Simple as that.


I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.

English (T4lk)-

Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.

Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337

II. Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it.

Another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the authority on one of these forums. But that's often hard to do so you'll probably be better off avoiding larger forums first off. If you do manage to become part of the authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.

So how can I change this?

***Please try some of the following***

1) Using the "Search All Forums" found at the top right of XDAs main forum page

enter your search criteria in the search box. Be short and precise ex: HTC One X USB drivers

Search through the hits you get.

2) Try Let me Google that for you

3) Be clear in your question's

Describe your situation, in brief. Do not add expletives as this is an area of how you set the mood of your question.

ex: My stupid phone won't boot after I flashed this version.

This buys you nothing and will gain you the noob identity.

This would be better stated as such

I was able to install the new (whatever it is you installed) however, after the reboot I only have my boot screen. Here are the steps I took. Please help me understand what I did wrong and how can I fix this This will gain you a much better answer and if you've found the right person, you should get the help you need. If you feel you are being bullied, Use the steps found here {Guide} Getting a Moderators help [/Center}

The Following 215 Users Say Thank You to TonyStark For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift TonyStark Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 07:30 PM |#2  
kuzibri's Avatar
Recognized Contributor
Thanks Meter: 2,122
In Loving Memory of TonyStark
In Loving Memory of TonyStark

TonyStark was a very special and unique Forum Mod. Easily approachable, full of humor, critical when needed, very positive and very innovative and always helping other members. Always seeking for methods to keep XDA as organized as possible. This thread is a true example of who Tony was as a person, it's Tony at his very best (funny, humerous and critical). We were very close and dear friends. Keeping this/his thread alive is the least we can do.He deserves it all the way for all of his good work and the wonderful and very special person he was.

kindest regards, kuzibri
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to kuzibri For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift kuzibri Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 07:30 PM |#3  
undercover's Avatar
Senior Member
Flag London, UK
Thanks Meter: 4,366
Re: I want to shake the noob
Stickie please and a mandatory read upon registration :thumbup:

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk 2
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to undercover For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift undercover Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 07:37 PM |#4  
t3chn0s1s's Avatar
Senior Member
Flag Las Vegas, NV
Thanks Meter: 765
Donate to Me
This should be stickied and required reading for all newly registered members!
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to t3chn0s1s For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift t3chn0s1s Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 07:39 PM |#5  
orangekid's Avatar
Senior Moderator / Moderator Liaison / Bacon is Life
Thanks Meter: 9,672
Re: I want to shake the noob status
I like it.

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using xda app-developers app
27th January 2013, 07:41 PM |#6  
philos64's Avatar
Senior Member
Somewhere in Brittany
Thanks Meter: 2,865
I agree completely for sticky and mandatory read upon registration
The Following User Says Thank You to philos64 For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift philos64 Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 08:17 PM |#7  
shoman94's Avatar
Recognized Contributor
Flag Maine
Thanks Meter: 12,377
Donate to Me
Nice work Tony
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to shoman94 For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift shoman94 Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 08:32 PM |#8  
malybru's Avatar
Senior Moderator / RC-RT Committee - Lead
Thanks Meter: 26,960
Donate to Me

The Following User Says Thank You to malybru For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift malybru Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 09:06 PM |#9  
mark manning's Avatar
Senior Moderator - Illuminati Confirmed
Flag Nusquam et ubique
Thanks Meter: 13,944
Donate to Me
Re: I want to shake the noob status
That was awesome

Sent from my Nexus
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to mark manning For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift mark manning Ad-Free
27th January 2013, 11:03 PM |#10  
GaboWinter's Avatar
Retired Forum Moderator
Flag Kadath
Thanks Meter: 9,470
Link on Fav's and ready to be pasted on a several number of threads.
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to GaboWinter For This Useful Post: [ View ] Gift GaboWinter Ad-Free
Post Reply Subscribe to Thread

Guest Quick Reply (no urls or BBcode)
Previous Thread Next Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes