[HELP] Could someone please check English texts in my Windows Phone 7 game?

[RDT]

Hello,

I'm currently working on my first 3D XNA game for Windows Phone 7 (one of the early beta versions looked like this). As you might have noticed from the previous link, English is not my native language.

I do not have much text in the game, but I wouldn't be happy if there were many mistakes in them . There are actually only two screens with text + decription of the game. Would someone be so kind, read it and told me the mistakes I've made? Thank you in advance .

Instruction screen:

[Fly right through the center of the gate as accurately as you can.]
[Hold your phone like this. Tilt it to control your ship.]
[For the best sound experience, use your headphones.]
[When you see this crystal, tap it to slow down your ship.]
[Tap to continue.]

______________________________________
About screen:

Thank you for trying this game!

First, I would like to say that this game is not final - it’s not even close to the final version. Programming for Windows Phone 7 is only my hobby and I don’t have as much time as I would like to have.

Write a review on Marketplace on what you think about this game, how you would improve and expand it or what you like and dislike about it, so I can take your view into consideration when creating the final version of this game.

If you want to encourage and support me, you can buy this demo .

______________________________________
Description:

Fly the spaceship through the universe! Become an expert in its control and achieve the highest score by flying through the space gates! Watch your surroundings and catch the space crystals to slow down your ship, so you'll be able to fly through the gates with greater accuracy. The greater accuracy, the higher the score!

Paid version of this game is the same as the trial version. By purchasing this game, you will encourage the author to further development.

Graphic appearance of the instruction screen:

 

[PTGamer]

its good to go!

 

[reeg420]

That all reads pretty good.

This just doesn't sound completely right though.
"Fly right through the center of the gate as accurately as you can."

Instead I think would sound better as.
"Fly through the center of the gate as accurately as you can."

 

[neoriix]

The first sentence "Fly right through the center of the gate as accurately as you can"
You should use : "Fly through the center of the gate as accurately as you can"

P.S: Your game looks kinda cool

 

[RDT]

Thank you very much . I did not expect so few mistakes (that's why I waited, if someone doesn't find more). I will fix the first sentence and try to bring the game into publishable form. Then, of course, I'll it link here .

 

[duckvader]

Instruction screen:

[Fly through the center of the gate as accurately as you can.]
[Hold your phone like this. Tilt it to control your ship.]
[For enhanced sound experience, use headphones.]
[When you see this crystal, tap it to slow down.]
[Tap to continue.]

______________________________________
About screen:

Thank you for trying this game!

First of all, I would like to say that this game is not the final - it’s not even close to the final version. Programming for Windows Phone 7 is my hobby and I don’t have as much time as I would like to have.

Write a review in the Marketplace about this game, how you would like me to improve and expand it or what you like and dislike about it, so I can take your view into consideration when creating the final version of this game.

If you want to encourage and support me, you can buy the demo .

______________________________________
Description:

Fly the spaceship through the universe! Become an expert in controlling it and achieve a high score by flying through the space gates! Watch your surroundings and catch the space crystals to slow down your ship so as to fly through the gates with greater accuracy. The greater the accuracy, the higher the score!

Paid version of this game is the same as the trial version. By purchasing this game, you will encourage the author to further development.