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Senior Member
Dec 30, 2008
A blonde is driving down the highway, and hears a radio announcement

"Emergency Announcement: There is a car driving the wrong way, please drive with caution"

The blond looks out her window and say "One? All of these idiots are driving the wrong way."


Senior Member
Sep 17, 2010
Junction City
Mr goodbar took mrs figbar to the power house and laid her down on a mounds.

He stuck his butterfinger into her molly way and she cried out oh henry! And out popped a baby ruth

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Senior Member
Jan 30, 2010
blanchard, ok
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally ****s the bed..The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'

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Senior Member
Jul 10, 2010
A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks
past and looks up and says to the koala "Hey! What are you doing?"

The koala says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have
a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry' and
is going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter
with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking
a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into
the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this
out and walks into the forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

The koala looks down and says
"Damn dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"


Senior Member
May 11, 2009
Man goes to the Doctors:

Doctor - "I'm sorry, it's Cancer"
Man - "How long do i have?"
Doctor - "Five"
Man - "Five? Five What? Five Years? Five Months? Five WEEKS?"
Doctor - "....Four, Three, Two, One...."