Secondly, all of this aside, shouldn't it be true that if I do the following...
1. Press and hold Vol+, Vol-, Power together.
2. Vol+ to "Recovery"
3. Power
4. When alien with red ! appears, Vol+ to make menu appear
5. Select "Factory reset"
6. Confirm, yes, really, do this.
7. Reboot
...shouldn't the next thing that happens be, the phone boots up good as new, factory fresh?
I ask because I did all of that, but I'm stuck at the spinning colored dots. It's been 5 minutes now. There's no way it should take this long to boot up. I'm pretty convinced it's never going to.